You wouldn’t believe the amount of procrastinating I did before sitting down to finally write this month’s Hopes And Goals post. I reordered my wardrobe, cleaned the kitchen, watered my dying plants and even made a pile of clothes to be ironed (I stopped short of actually ironing them, though). I guess I just haven’t been feeling super hot about May…although the lovely weather we’ve been having is certainly helping.
I kinda failed at April’s goals. With my renewed love for Twitter, and a new-found addiction to Snapchat (username is nadialoulou, if you want to add me on there!), I found myself glued to my phone a lot more than usual. In an attempt to spend less time looking at screens, I set myself a cut off time for social networks of 9pm on weekday evenings. With the exception of the #cfbloggerschat on Thursdays, I have mostly been sticking to that goal, so that’s cool.
My ambition to meet a monthly word count, however, has fallen by the wayside. I did that thing again where I get some very helpful feedback from my kick-ass writing group, and then avoid my novel draft like the plague for weeks thereafter. I’m hoping I’ll come out of my no-writing funk soon, but I’m also trying not to put pressure on myself to do so.
Which brings me onto this month’s solitary goal – to combat my anxiety in earnest. Having contended with anxiety for close to 10 years now, I have reached a point where I am mostly able to handle it on my own, with the help of my amazing support network. However, with triggering events (holidays) coming up, my episodes of anxiety have become increasingly intense and harder to deal with in my head. A friend recently reminded me that it’s impossible to be objective with yourself, and the words ring so true. When I am trying to get excited about a beach getaway or a city break, but am obsessing over the worst case scenarios, it is impossible to pull myself out of that pattern of thinking all by myself. I am hopeful that going back into therapy will help me to continue exploring the causes of my anxiety as well as dealing with the day-to-day effects of it.
One thing that is for sure is that I don’t feel alone with this. Anxiety and related mental health issues affect so many of us. As sad as this fact is, I am so happy that this debilitating condition is getting the airtime it needs to, to raise awareness and improve the lives of sufferers. I’m very proud of those I know who are contending with anxiety and mental illness who are brave enough to share their experiences.
So, whatever it takes, I’m determined to work on my mental health this May. The warmer weather does wonders for my mood, and I am hoping to spend as much time as possible enjoying that, and also relaxing at home where I feel safe and calm.
What will you be up to this May?
More thoughts on mental health
| Sarah’s experience with Emetophobia
| Gemima’s experiences with anxiety and depression
| Daniela’s experiences with Autism